Forget the headline of the column I’m writing today and join me to kneel down before the throne of heaven and concur completely with me as I complain bitterly to God or Allah as the case may be about Nigeria’s President Goodluck Jonathan. The era of sitting on the fence is past; it’s either you are there or you are not, either you are in or you are out; there are simply no two ways about it. I’m simply tired of this country Nigeria, yet even when I travel out; I still find myself missing home and wanting to come back. There must be something about this country that just makes me not to ‘Andrew’ (for those of you who don’t understand what the Andrew means, sorry I have no patience to explain it, as I am too angry to do so) away forever, I just have to talk to God.
My Father, my father, you see, I am following your words which say, “Cast your burdens on me; come on to me all you who are heavy and are burden laden and I will give you rest”. Hear this daddy; President Goodluck Ebele Azikiwe (fake name) Jonathan is my burden, alongside his shepopotamus wife, Mama Peace and his undeclared lover, who has consistently dazzled us with her criminal beauty, Alison Diezani Madueke. Do something to them before something do the country you created. Our nation is being led astray by ungodly judges, mayors and governors, who are given to change, defying the Constitution and substituting their own wicked agendas. (David Wilkerson)
Didn’t you categorically say that all liars will go to hell? Yes, you have the man who will make Satan envious for being called the father of liars, as Mr Jonathan is currently the one with the lying trophy and he does not seem willing to let go. Let me tell you what this man did. He stood before all of us and promised NEVER to contest for election a second term and we gullibly believed him, not because we trusted him, but he had already gone sanctimoniously before the Redemption Camp, and knelt down before your servant, humble Daddy Adeboye. We thought that action amounted to sincerity when he told us his one term ambition. Now listen God, so you can tell the Angel in charge of him to deal with him well. He has come back now to tell us that he never made that promise! Haaaa, a statement he made publicly has been denied publicly. My grand mum who voted for him due to my convincing her now sees me as a liar, for staking my honor on that pathological liar.
I’m not done yet. He dribbled us with words on how he will go to exile if he does not build a second Niger bridge before the end of his tenure. Thou art in heaven and can see all things; but you will agree with me that not one tipper of sand has been brought to any sight for the bridge, yet he doesn’t want to go on exile, instead he and his shepopotmus wife have built hotels in Abuja, Port Harcourt and Bayelsa. Does it look like he is going to exile himself after such promise? Help us to exile him.
Just this week, the shoeless and clueless man from the tribe of Otuoke sacked some thiefing ministers, chief of whom is Godsdey Orubebe and his female version, Stella Oduah, who merely misappropriated money for BMW, and inflated their prices, yet he left the kingpin in government. For Christ sake, what is Alison Madueke still doing there as the Minster of Petroleum, when under her watch, she and her boyfriend ‘stole’ $20 billion. I just hope father you can understand what I mean when I say the man you gave us as a president is the burden we need to cast away. The way the money is called makes it seem like the normal N20 bribe given to police during stop and search, very weightless and simplified. Oh Jerusalem; that is the sum of money which if pumped into the dead health sector and the completely buried power sector can resurrect them back from the dead, which an individual and his cronies boldly stole and no head has rolled.
How did we get into this mess that a woman has become our de facto president, calling the shots, while the President sits tight and urge her own, all because of his 2015 ambition? God, I don’t think I need up to a 40 days fasting for you to take such men out of Nigeria, we don’t deserve this injustice, except you mean to tell us to wait on the biblical principles that states, ‘weeping may endure for a night but joy cometh in the morning’, seriously Nigerians can’t hang on to that theory as it currently stand, as most will die before the morning will come. Beside we have endured this weeping for nights and there seems to be no hope in sight, except you carry out what you did on the Assyrian soldiers on them, afterall you said you will kill people for our sake.
We can no longer predict the President’s move any longer as he has mastered the Machiavellian theory of power and surprise. How he sacks people these days without anyone having an inkling of it is commendable, but he has not sacrifice the main object for Nigerians, by letting go off his dearest fantasy. A million Stella Oduah is equal to one Alison Madueke, who is the ATM of the President. When will he let her go? Ehen Father, have I told you about the other man who is not a Professor, but calls himself Prof? He is the Minister of death, sorry health, Onyebuchi Chukwu; a man who has sacrificed Nigerians lives on the altar of ego and satisfying a section of the medical profession. The man do not deserve to be in office any longer, following the incessant strike that has seen many Nigerians died due to his politicking of the health system. He is one of the many sins of Jonathan who for unknown reasons have kept him in the cabinet. It won’t be a crime on the part of heaven if he was exchanged for all those who passed away during the JOHESU/NMA strike. As usual I know you are faithful to demote kings and lift the humble.
Yes, dear God, do you know as I was about completing my complaint, one political thug name came to my mind? Thug Nyesom Wike, that house boy to Mama Peace is another mistake of the clueless man Presidency. His work is in Abuja, but he has turned Rivers State to his office, where he ferments trouble and run back to Abuja to fan the embers. You won’t believe it that the clown is gunning to rule Rivers State. Can I ask a question father? When you created Nigeria, did you swear for us that only thieves and thugs will lead us? That is what it seems, judging from the scenario in Rivers State. While Polytechnics are still on strike, the Aso Rock boy boy is busy looking for Senators to shoot with rubber bullets.
With the $20 billion already in the coffers of the man you gave us as President, there is no stopping him from winning the Presidency come 2015, but will you allow one man to torment the millions of people? Will you allow a people who are called by your name to suffer another four years of drought and famine? Certainly no, and this is where you have to arise and let your enemies be scattered and blow their shame and disgrace to the wind.
There are some few men I have also have in my report booklet, who are his Ahitophel. These men are among those giving him bad advice and the latest strategies which he has employed after looting our treasury. Do you know that his Minister for Mis-Information, Labaran Maku, his Vuvuzuela, Reuben Abati and his attack dogs, Doyin Okupe are worse than the men of Sodom and Gomorrah? These are his Ahitophels who drums into his ears that his anti people policies are benefitting us when actually they are meant to benefit just a few of them. If these men come to meet you in heaven at your will, Nigerians will be forever more religious than we are now, as they will know that truly you answer prayer. Oh Lord, turn every advice of those Ahitophels to foolishness and confound them in their intelligence.
Aha, I almost forgot to report the Chief thug of them all who threatens that the nation you created with your hands will go in flames if Mr Jonathan who parades the Azikiwe appellation to deceive gullible Nigerians is not returned. I mean thug Asari Dokubo; that militant, whose only known history was to carry arms against the state, while enriching himself. Imagine the other day; he walked into the State Security Service (SSS) office and still had the guts to carry with him his mat and toiletries. If this was not a country where selective justice is highly practiced, wouldn’t they have taken the mat from him at the gate and if possible start to brutalise him, detain him and make him sleep on the bare cold floor? My father, my father, we believe nothing is impossible for you to do concerning this thug. Please use his case as an example to all nations and prove your greatness in our land.
You know I like complaints and when I talk to you; I never talk straight as I jump from one to the other and this report is not different, but I’m very sure that you will treat all these cases with the urgency it deserves. Oh God, use this $20 billion NNPC stolen money by Jonathan to disgrace him and his allies, By failing seriously to confront the most predicable economic crisis in our nation’s history, the President’s policies are committing us and our children to a diminished future. (Paul Ryan). Let your will be done!
These little things matter…
Fejiro Oliver, a Journalist can be reached on firstname.lastname@example.org and +2348026797588 (sms only please). Follow on twitter @fejirooliver86 and Facebook fejirooliver86. Like our Facebook page – secretsreporters